Snow Patrol

"I staggered towards the latrine, delirious with too much caffeine in my system and not enough sleep, weaving like an indolent zombie stuck on loop in a bad horror movie from the Eisenhower-era. PFC Cold-Nuts bounced into me with a large smile plastered across his face, and the sound that came out of his throat would be considered a giggle in most circles outside of the U.S. Army.

“It’s snowing, Sir!” he said.

“Shut up man,” I said, “it’s too early for that shit.” I may be a young lieutenant, but I wasn’t born yesterday, and as a dabbler in rascality myself, I tend to know when my Joes are trying to fuck with me. I brushed my teeth, put on deodorant more out of habit than caring what I smelled like at the combat outpost, and checked up on the status of my novice attempt at a mustache. (Still pathetic, wispy, and generally horrifying.) I walked back into the main hallway, and spied SSG Boondock across the way.

“We still leaving in an hour?” he yelled.

I checked my watch, and nodded."
Kaboom: