The Global War on Pubic Hair

"I did not smoke while writing this.

“Who are you voting for?”

I pick at my mashed potatoes and look at Sergeant Speakerphone. He sits across from me, staring at me intently.

“You know I can’t answer that,” I say.

“Oh, come on!” He says. “Why not? I’m voting for Obama.”

“It’s because I am in a leadership role and I will not subject my privates to undue influence.”

“That’s fuckin’ stupid, sarn’t.”

“It’s not stupid. It’s the right thing to do.” I find myself pointing a plastic fork at Sergeant Speakerphone.

“But if everybody in the platoon is voting for Obama anyway, and you are voting for Obama, then how can you exert undue influence?”

“I never said I was voting for Obama!”

“So you are voting for McCain!”"
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