Queen For A Year

"I wrote this while smoking a CAO Brazilia.

In a way, I feel sorry for her. Hell, I feel sorry for almost any female who joins the Army and has to deal with guys like us.

“Why would a good looking girl, a girl with everything going for her, join the Army?” Sergeant Blackjack asks as we wade through the crowd at the chow hall.

“Um, college,” I respond.

Sergeant Blackjack glances at me with contempt. I knew it was a bad idea to tag along with him. “You’re a fuckin’ idiot," he says. "Stop talking to me.”

But we sit at a table so that we can still look at her. Sergeant Blackjack ogles her. I eat my soup.

“She’s at least a nine,” he says. “That’s not even a deployment nine. That’s like a nine in real life.”

“She has a tattoo on the back of her neck,” I say. That brings her down to a one or two.

His face twists into disgust. “Are you babbling again?”

“I’m not a big fan of chicks with tattoos,” I say. “Jewish people don’t tend to get tattoos. I could never figure out why you would voluntarily put something on your body that Nazis –“

“Dude, you’ve got to let that go.”"
Big Tabacco

This must rank in the top ten funny post from BT